Football Season and Marriage: Don't Let Football Sideline Your Intimacy
When I first met my husband, little did I know that football would become the third wheel in our relationship. He was head over heels for it, while I couldn't care less. I started feeling like a football widow, and I just couldn't wrap my head around why he didn't see my point.
I tried reasoning with him, "What if I wanted to binge-watch romantic comedies all weekend and then some? How would YOU feel?"
Let's just say, my analogy didn't quite score a touchdown with him, but hey, it was worth a shot.
I realized we had some serious teamwork to do if we were going to tackle this issue together.
For him, football was a sacred ritual, and he hadn't really thought about how it impacted our marriage, especially since he hadn't been following Jesus back then and hadn't learned much about intentional marriage planning.
Meanwhile, I had to understand that football wasn't just a game to him. It was the thrill of the season, the roar of the crowd, and the drama on the field.
It was crucial for me to empathize with his passion, and for him to understand my need for quality time, making sure I wasn't benched in favor of football.
Football isn't the villain in our love story. Hobbies and traditions can be the spice of marriage.
The problem arises when something consistently gets the MVP treatment, while your partner gets the leftovers. This applies to everyone, regardless of what they might be obsessed with.
So, when pondering, "Does football have a spot in your marriage, or is your marriage trying to find a spot around football?"
Here are some practical tips to consider:
Start with empathy, not eye-rolling.
Empathy can be the MVP of communication. Nagging and complaining won't bridge the intimacy gap.
For the non-football spouse: Acknowledge that football might actually mean something to your partner. It could be tied to childhood memories, family traditions, or just plain relaxation.
Be curious, not critical. You don't have to love football, but loving your partner sometimes means taking an interest in what they love.
For the football fan: Show the same empathy to your partner. They're not being "needy" for wanting your attention. If football is hogging all your time, their frustration might be saying, "I miss you."
Enjoy some of it together.
Instead of letting football fumble your intimacy, see if it can bring you closer.
Make game day snacks together, wear matching team gear, place playful bets (bonus points if the prize is some quality connection time), and snuggle on the couch while watching.
Be enthusiastic about spending time with your partner, not just begrudgingly watching the game. If you don't know much about football, ask questions. And if your partner is making the effort for you, return the favor by showing interest in something they love!
Examine your heart about how much football may crowd out God and your marriage.
There's no harm in loving football, but idolizing it is a different ballgame.
If a lost game ruins your mood, weekends revolve around the TV, or your partner feels they can't approach you during a game, it might be time to reassess how much power entertainment holds over your life and how it affects your relationship.
Don't put emotional and physical connection on the bench.
Marriage can't thrive on leftover attention. If your partner feels sidelined, they'll eventually stop trying and start living a separate life.
Football season shouldn't mean that meaningful conversation, affection, dates, and intimacy disappear until February. Your fantasy lineup shouldn't get more strategic planning than your l
love life!
Here's how you can balance football and a thriving marriage:
Have a conversation before you're fighting over the remote.
Discuss which games your partner wants to watch, plan which ones you'll watch together, and what activities you'll do when you're not watching. Make sure you both get quality time apart from football.
Show gratitude to your partner for supporting your football passion and for putting the marriage and family first.
In fact, showing gratitude to your partner multiplies intimacy and helps couples remain emotionally close.
Don't have an attitude of entitlement.
Instead, realize that healthy relationships involve some individual pursuits, some marriage pursuits, some spiritual pursuits, and some to-do's that nobody wants but must be done. Prioritize and plan first things first.
What if your partner won't compromise and you're hurt by their actions?
You can't control your partner, but you can control your reaction. Set boundaries for what you need and communicate them. If you need specific help, I'm here to assist, but generally, this means protecting your heart and avoiding codependency.
Engage in self-care, not out of resentment, but because you genuinely enjoy it. Spend time with God, meet friends, exercise, work on a project, or do something restorative. Just make sure it doesn't come across as an angry protest.
Remember, you and your partner are NOT opponents. You're on the same team!
At the end of the day, you'll be glad you prioritized God and your partner. After all, football won't love you back or snuggle in bed with you at night!
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:21
If you need help navigating to the goal line in intimacy, reach out - I'm here to help!
Book a free discovery call!
Love,
Kristi
