The Intimacy Multiplier: Practicing Gratitude

Imagine feeling 100 percent happy, fulfilled, and getting everything you desire in your marriage! While reality might not always align with our expectations, and our spouse can't meet every single one, that's okay! Relationships can be challenging, with conflicts and disappointments, even in areas like intimacy.

But guess what? Science tells us that focusing on negative thoughts only makes them more powerful, affecting our emotions and actions. The Bible also guides us, reminding us that our hearts can be selfish and resentful. That's why it encourages us to live in the Spirit, not the flesh. In Romans chapter 12, we're urged to renew our minds to understand God's will.

Philippians 4:8 inspires us: "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Paul, the author, understood our tendency toward negative thinking about life and relationships. That's why he encouraged us to shift our focus and embrace positivity!

One powerful way to shift focus from what we lack in marriage and intimacy is through gratitude.

Here's the magic gratitude can bring to you and your spouse:

1. It Changes What You Notice.

   Instead of focusing on flaws, gratitude helps you see the wonderful things you might have overlooked. Notice the small acts of kindness, faithfulness, and beauty in your spouse. What do you appreciate most about your spouse today?

2. Cultivating Appreciation Creates Emotional Safety.

   When your spouse feels appreciated for their efforts, big or small, they feel valued and seen. Keep expressing gratitude for everyday actions and highlight new things you appreciate. There's always something to be grateful for, and it motivates them to continue nurturing your relationship!

3. Gratitude Strengthens Friendship.

   Friendship is the cornerstone of marriage, especially during tough times. Regularly expressing gratitude reminds you both of the joy in choosing each other as life partners.

4. Showing Appreciation Softens Conflict.

Gratitude doesn't erase disagreements, but it helps you remember your spouse is not the enemy. It fosters humility and compassion during tough conversations. Express gratitude even amidst conflict.

5. It Combats Feelings of Entitlement.

   Marriage can sometimes feel like a list of expectations. Gratitude reminds us not to take things for granted and helps us appreciate the love we receive.

6. Gratitude Enhances Sexual Intimacy.

   Couples who regularly express gratitude build emotional closeness and physical affection, leading to greater openness and connection in sexual intimacy.

7. It Reflects the Character of Christ.

   Scripture encourages us to be thankful. A grateful heart mirrors God's generosity and grace. Even if your spouse doesn't always express gratitude, continue to show it. By doing so, you reflect Jesus to them and will reap eternal rewards.

   
   
   
   

   Here are 3 practical Tips to Cultivate Gratitude:

   
   

   ** End each day by sharing three specific things you appreciate about your spouse.

   
   

   ** Be specific. Instead of saying "Thanks for all you do," say, "Thank you for making the coffee this morning. It made me feel cared for." "I appreciated your patience with the kids tonight." "I noticed you reached for my hand while walking. It reminded me that you still choose me."

   
   

   ** Create a Gratitude Journal with God. Write down five specific things each evening in a gratitude journal to express heartfelt gratitude to God. Be specific. Instead of "Thank you God for my food," say, "Thank you God for the delicious chocolate fudge brownie I enjoyed for dessert this evening."

   
   
   
   

   "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

   1 Thessalonians 5:18

   
   

If you need expert coaching to foster more gratitude, emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy in your marriage, I'm here to help you. Reach me at: kristi@abidinglovecoach.com

Love,

Kristi