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There's a quiet habit that many people carry into relationships, one that feels safe, maybe even necessary. We wear masks, which make us outwardly feel protected, but actually, they cost us the very thing we're trying to preserve. These emotional masks become a version of ourselves that we present to the world, to even our dating partner, and later our spouse. They make us feel more acceptable. More controlled. Less risky. It might show up as a smile when you're hurting. A s

Pomegranates are like the divas of the fruit world—glamorous and pricey, and they make you work for their company. But hey, who can resist their juicy allure? On a trip to Israel, I discovered that these fancy fruits are VIPs in the Israeli Jewish culture. They're not just tasty; they're a big deal, symbolizing faith and showing up all over the Bible. Think of them as the original influencers, representing fertility, abundance, righteousness, and the blessings of the Promised

One of my biggest missions as an intimacy coach besides helping individuals develop their intimacy with Christ as their first priority, is to see couples grow in their maturity in how they have sex with their spouse. I believe that there is a high prevalence of immature thoughts and actions around sexual intimacy. There's a lot of reasons for this, but I believe that many people are uneducated, lack communication skills, and have a warped view of sex based on media, and more

Sex Toys in Marriage: Connection, Conviction, and Cultivating Intimacy In conversations about sexual intimacy within marriage, few topics stir as much curiosity and tension as the use of sex toys. For some couples, they feel like a helpful tool to enhance pleasure and explore one another more fully. For others, they raise concerns about morality, replacement, or disconnection. Clients often want guidance and direction in this area of their intimacy. If we approach this topic

Not long ago, I was in the Garden of Gesthemane, kneeling by an olive tree, weeping at the thought of the betrayal Jesus faced by His closest followers. The ones who walked with Him, ate with Him, laughed with Him, and witnessed a mountain of miracles by Him. I wondered how in the world they couldn’t even stay awake and pray with Him that night He was arrested. And then I realize that I would have done the same. My spirit has been in the place where it was wanting to follow

I talk to couples frequently who struggle to communicate with their spouse about their sexual desire and pleasure. There are a lot of things that prevent honest and open communication about sex. The main obstacle especially in Christian marriage, is shame. Many times, individuals can struggle with their own desire to try something new with their spouse simply because they are scared it might seem sinful if it's anything besides missionary position love-making on a bed at n

I’m working on some online curriculum I’m really excited about for my premarital coaching program. Consequently, today I was working on a section about protecting intimacy within the marriage covenant by building a fortress around it and anticipating all the fiery darts that come flying through the air aimed to kill, steal, and destroy what God calls good. Sexual sin is running rampant. And I don't mean just in the world. I mean within the church. Among believers who, in the

One of the ways to heighten physical intimacy is through the use of sensory play. Rope can be a beautiful tool that couples can use to create a deeply intimate experience together . It doesn't have to be super complex, but simple. Or, if it's something you'd like to learn more about, it can become as complex as you'd like. Before exploring using rope, I want to start by alerting to safety standards first. Number one, you should never use rope without discussing this with you

Newlyweds usually experience a constant flow of anticipation toward sex. It’s new, it’s fresh, it’s exciting, they can’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off. Once the dust settles and the honeymoon period wears off, many couples settle into more of a routine in their sex life. They might become so busy with work life, chores, and child rearing that they barely connect until the opportunity arises to finally lock the bedroom door. And then they rush to whatever brings orgasm

I admit, I’m slightly hippie, but mostly in my love of nature and having a wandering, free spirit. A part of me didn’t want to actually post this as my title because I’m not a political activist, I think the whole system is broken and I’m just trying to do my part to love people and love God well. Sometimes wars are inevitable and without them we might all be slaves. Christ came to set the captive free. Sometimes we need to go to battle against forces of darkness. But real

Something that's been sitting with me the past few days is this photo I took in Jerusalem last week. This is the very room, a dark and dank pit , where Jesus was kept under the palace of the chief priest, Caiaphas. This was on the night he was betrayed by his closest friends. He would be crucified the very next day. After the Pharisees spit in his face, slapped him and accused him of blasphemy , they lowered him down into this deep stone pit by r opes through the hole y

Another commercialized holiday is around the corner, and with that comes the pressure to buy love cards, balloons, flowers, and chocolates . Some of you may love the idea of celebrating Valentine's Day , and others of you may view it as another unnecessary man-made day meant to spend money. I always enjoyed celebrating holidays in special ways, especially when my children were little and we decorated the house, did fun crafts, and made them feel special. When it comes to roma

Ok, it is absolutely freezing outside, even here in the deep south of the US. Who wants to just skip work, grab their spouse, and get under the covers to keep warm? Going back to my post from Ecclesiastes 4: A Cord of Three Strands , verse 11 states, "Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?" Without modern heating, spooning was a more necessary practice to keep warm in the cold temps of winter. Maybe it's not physically necessar

I’m exploring San Antonio Texas this week and I came upon this tiny island in the middle of the riverwalk. They call it Marriage Island . They perform small intimate weddings on this little island apparently. It’s a cute spot for a couple to declare their love and commitment to each other for the rest of their lives. As I continued to walk down the sidewalk, I thought more deeply about the concept of an island and how isolating it would feel to be on a small island, withou

I recently spoke to a woman whose voice echoed many other women I know. She said she has lost a physical desire to be intimate, for her husband. She often made excuses to avoid sex, and when she did have sex with him, she would just try to “hurry and get it over with” … The thing is, it’s pretty obvious to her husband when she “pretends” and then it just escalates the tension in their relationship and physical intimacy. After we started digging deeper into our conversation,

This photograph reminds me of the book of Song of Songs in the bible, but I realize it's not realistic of what most wives feel like in daily life. A realistic photo might be a mom with her hair in a messy bun, in sweatpants, and collapsing onto the bed after a very long day of wiping noses, kids screaming, dogs barking, and feeling unseen. I in no way want to paint a picture that life is a fairytale and initiating sex with your husband will look like a magical romantic scene

Sexualized talk started back in the 5th grade back when I was growing up. That was the time I started comparing my body against other girls who were starting to develop breasts and get their periods. I was an 80's kid and all was good until that year in school. Can you relate? I remember kids making jokes and writing the phrase "PEN15" on hands and laughing because they were making an inuendo of the word penis, lol. I also remember still playing barbie dolls with my friend

I don’t recall many conversations with my mom about sex. And definitely none with my father. I bet most of us came from a home that was pretty absent of sex education . What I do remember… one time my mom told me that “If I had sex before I was married” she would be disappointed in me . At that point in my teenage life, I really wasn’t motivated to please her. In fact, I did the opposite of what she expected of me because I had a rebellious heart. I was a girl who felt I had

When I was a little girl, I remember sitting around my grandma's table with my many aunts around me. One of them had made this incredible dessert , and everyone raved at how delicious it was! They laughed and laughed as the aunt who made it called it, " Better Than Sex Cake ". I of course had no clue as a little girl what that meant. But I internalized their comments, and it became one of the cultural messages I received around sex growing up. That message was, sex wasn't t

We’re closing in on the end of the year. How’s the year been for you? Are you tired, worn out? Do you feel excited for the possibilities of the New Year? What’s your overall satisfaction level in your marriage? Have you grown closer or further apart this year? I want you to to take some time this week walking back through this past year . First, do it alone. Ask God to reveal to you how you have shown up for your spouse… how have you built them up, spoke life into them, and