Why Christians Need to Stop Avoiding the Topic of Sex

Everybody squirms and starts dripping sweat from their foreheads whenever the topic of sex is mentioned in any context within the church. I have felt the tension in the air so thick that I could cut the air with a knife and serve it as a piece of cake to everybody in fellowship hour!

It is an uncomfortable topic for sure. I still feel it when I'm talking to most people and, hey, I'm a sex coach!

However, there's been a deep consequence for the Church burying it's head into the sand on this topic and avoiding it.

I don't know about you, but I never got an in-depth helpful foundation for God's design for sex in any context before marriage. What I did get, was simple statements about not giving my body away and being pure before marriage. Period. I'm sure many of you can relate.

So why do Christians avoid in-depth education, bible studies on God's design for intimacy - both spiritual and sexual, and discussing the problems within the church around sexual sin?

I believe that shame is a huge culprit. We all tend to carry around a huge amount of unhealthy shame around our sexuality. Now, we should feel complete conviction and repentance around sexual sin whether in thought or deed. But instead, we either go on sinning without feeling conviction and turn away from it. Or we carry shame from what might be healthy sexuality that is within God's design but still feel shame because of what we have been taught in the past, because of other's opinions, or because we struggle to allow God and sex to co-exist in our mind at the same time.

I think we also struggle with fear. We fear that if we have conversations about sex, that we will become heathens or it will lead us into temptation. While this is possible, and we must have healthy boundaries around these conversations, I believe that not talking about it creates dark places for sin to grow.

What have the consequences been for avoiding this topic?

I think the enemy has had a Hayday of destruction, chaos, and death of healthy intimacy and marriage. I think it's caused calloused hearts, loneliness, disconnect, and hiding. I think both men and women have been discouraged from getting help with sexual addiction to pornography or similar false intimacy sources that destroys the soul and connection in marriage and healthy sexual intimacy.

I believe that many marriages are suffering in silence from the inability to discuss even among their own spouses the topic of sexual intimacy with each other. I believe many have less and less intimacy together, that they aren't prepared for the different seasons of sexual intimacy throughout life, and I believe many are wondering if they are normal without real answers that are from a biblical perspective.

Did God talk about sex?

Yes!!! He did. He did give us boundaries to help us bring Him glory in our marriages. He also shared the purpose of sex. And it was not just for procreation! He intended to use it as a teaching tool even, for us to understand the level of relational intimacy He wants with us, His bride. Of course, he uses sexual relations as a metaphore not that he is physical toward us. But just read the book of Songs of Solomon and you will see His delight in a husband and wife having deep physical intimacy. And this book points us to the depth of relationship we have with Him as our Bridegroom.

He intended to give us good gifts of pleasure, but like every good gift, that gift goes sour when it's not within His design. The Word was never meant to shame us, but to draw us each into deeper intimacy with Himself.

So whether you are single or married, your sexuality is a gift of God meant to be in submission to Him in relationship.

Join with me today in praying against the enemy's destruction of God's design for sex through sin. Let's ask God to redeem it for His glory and purpose. Ask God to give us great wisdom and strength in creating healthy spaces and boundaries that foster conversations that bring healing.

This is why I am a faith-based intimacy coach. And my desire is to stand in the gap with you and Jesus as we reclaim this space.

A colleague and I plan to host a monthly place to learn, grow, and help other professionals in the space of Christian ministry, coaching, and therapy to bridge this gap together. We will host a short lesson, discussion on resources or general guidance/insight needed in a counsel. It will be called "The Embodied Connection Collective". If you're interested in more details email me at: collective@abidinglovecoach.com.

I encourage you to start by having healthier and more frequent conversations about your sexual intimacy with your spouse. If you need some guidance on where to start, email me at: kristi@abidinglovecoach.com.

"Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God's holy people.") Revelation 19:7-8

Love,

Kristi