Valentines Love Languages

Another commercialized holiday is around the corner, and with that comes the pressure to buy love cards, balloons, flowers, and chocolates. Some of you may love the idea of celebrating Valentine's Day, and others of you may view it as another unnecessary man-made day meant to spend money.

I always enjoyed celebrating holidays in special ways, especially when my children were little and we decorated the house, did fun crafts, and made them feel special.

When it comes to romance and marriage, it can be a fun day to express love to each other. But I certainly hope it doesn't take a commercialized holiday to express that love on a rare occasion! Love should be expressed to your spouse every day, and you really should be reflecting daily on how well you loved your spouse throughout the day, from the time you woke up until you lay your head on your pillow at night.

It says in 1 Corinthians 16:14, "Let all that you do be done in love".

If you simply feel the pressure to buy flowers or chocolates for your spouse because that's what you ought to do, then you're way off the mark of biblical love.

This verse means that ALL you do should be done in an attitude and heart-posture of love. I know this is easier said than done, but what if you practice more mindfulness in this area? What if the next time it's your turn to do the dishes, or pick up your spouses dirty clothes, that you do it with the thought of love toward them rather than resentment? What if you thought about your love for Christ, and let that be your motivation?

Likewise, on Valentine's Day, don't simply give an obligatory gift. Really stop and think about how to express your love to your spouse in a genuine way that demonstrates you choose to love them like Christ loves His church.

To give you some help, I want you to think about your spouse's primary Love Language. If you're not already familiar, they include: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Gifts. If you don't know what your spouse's primary love language is, email me at: kristi@abidinglovecoach.com and I'll send you a free worksheet to have him/her take a quiz so that you can learn what makes your spouse feel most loved!

Here are a few ideas to get you started expressing your love to your spouse on Valentine's Day in each Love Language category...

1. Acts of Service:

   

   * Take over a task your spouse normally carries.

   * Create a "Coupon Book" full of acts of service for them to redeem at any time (ex: chores, running an errand, massages from you).

   *Finish something they've been overwhelmed by

   *Cook a romantic dinner (look up a new recipe they'd love, set the mood, serve them the food, drink, etc).

   *Give a top-notch head to toe long massage without needing to end in sex, just the way they'd love it.

   
   

2. Quality Time:

   

   *Look for a unique adventurous date like couples cooking class, dance class, wine tasting, glass blowing, etc.

   *Set up a nature or neighborhood walk and set up little meaningful hearts for them to discover along the way.

   *Watch a movie they'd love (but turn it into a fun game - set up a tent on the floor of blankets and pillows, make their favorite snack, have a movie trivia challenge or kiss each other every time you see the actors doing a particular movement or saying a particular word, etc.

*Make sure to put your phone away and give your spouse your full attention

3. Words of Affirmation

   

   *Write a handwritten letter on Valentine theme paper naming specific qualities you admire and moments you cherish with your spouse.

   *Create a flipbook of notecards with bible verses that affirm your spouse with God's Word.

   *Create a jar of "Reasons Why I Love You" with 30 things you love about your spouse for them to pull out at random times.

   *Make a video or a voice recording blessing your spouse and speaking gratitude over them.

*Be sure not to just affirm their physical attributes, but think of their character as well.

4. Physical Touch

   

   * Create a slow, intentional cuddle night with no agenda.

   *Give a killer massage with warm oil and relaxing music.

   *Draw Hearts or Valentines Artwork on your spouses body with your finger or if they'd like, maybe some washable paint, or edible strawberry syrup.

   *If your spouse would love a sexy evening with you most... then set the stage for romance and spend a lot of time caressing his/her body, maybe using unique sensations in addition to your hand or mouth, try safe heat or cold, give them your best enthusiastic self! (If you need more ideas specifically reach out and I'll give you more specific tips.)

*If your partner genuinely would find non-sexual touch more of a loving act, then focus

on non-sexual touch only.

5. Receiving Gifts

   

   *Give him/her a gift that is tied to an inside joke you both share or a shared special memory.

   *Frame a note, scripture, vow or reminder of your love.

   *A simple gift they'd love but spend some time with creating a unique package for it, or have your spouse do a seek and find for it, or present it in a unique way.

   *Give a gift that expresses true gratitude and love. Maybe think of a collection of something specific and meaningful that you can give them a unique set every Valentine's Day like a tradition (for example - an "everlasting" flower and a large vase and tell them you will add to it on other occasions").

   *Create a calendar of special photos of you both together.

   *Heck, buy an expensive piece of jewelry that he/she'd love (; But give it to him/her in a special place, maybe where you met, or a special date location.

Buying Flowers and chocolate is fine, it really is. But please for the love of all things good, don't do it without any thought and mindfulness. Your spouse deserves your best, not just on Valentine's Day, but every day. Show them you love them and show Jesus you want to follow in His footsteps in loving fiercely.

Love,

Kristi