How Mature Is Your Intimacy? Signs You’re Ready for Deeper Connection

One of my biggest missions as an intimacy coach besides helping individuals develop their intimacy with Christ as their first priority, is to see couples grow in their maturity in how they have sex with their spouse.

I believe that there is a high prevalence of immature thoughts and actions around sexual intimacy. There's a lot of reasons for this, but I believe that many people are uneducated, lack communication skills, and have a warped view of sex based on media, and more seriously, have developed a warped view of sex based on the of feeding fleshly desires through self-gratification and objectification of people through pornography. Quite simply, some people have missed out completely on the fulfillment of healthy, attuned intimacy because they are selfish.

What about you? Would you say you're lacking educational skills, or emotional skills, or communication skills? Or is it possible you've been feeding the flesh alone and see your spouse as a sexual outlet of gratification rather than serving your spouse in love, focusing on expressing your emotional connection through your love-making?

I am not saying that you can't have raw, quick passion for your spouse. I am not saying that every moment has to be filled with thoughtful intentionality.

What I am saying, is that some of you live in the most basic function of sexuality because you haven't trained your brain and your emotions to develop in your ability to connect deeply, to pay attention and be mentally aware and focused on making love with your spouse.

How do you grow in maturity in your intimacy with your spouse?

First, I will always tell you that you need to grow in deeper wisdom through God's Word. If you are spiritually immature, you can't get to the deepest level of intimacy available to you with your spouse.

Hebrews 5:12-14 says, "In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish between good from evil."

Jesus had a plan for your spiritual growth the moment you accepted Him as your Lord and Savior. He desires you to grow in your maturity, and this includes your maturity in the way you relate to your spouse.

In my coaching program, I work with clients who need to grow in this area by helping them through a scaffolding process. We start by clearing out the rubble of the things that have been unhealthy influences on their sexual intimacy. Then, we make a new blueprint for creating healthy, connected emotions and actions that will give them the most fulfilling sexual intimacy that they could dream of. I teach them how to communicate how they feel, what they need, and compromise when needed, just like with every other area of the marriage relationship.

Growing in wisdom, rejecting worldly objectification of lust, and developing skills as well as training the brain to be mindful of your 5 senses during sex will give you the key to the abundant intimacy God intended for you!

IF you need help, please reach out at kristi@abidinglovecoach.com

Love,

Kristi