The Warm Embrace of Spooning: A Cord of Three Strands

Ok, it is absolutely freezing outside, even here in the deep south of the US. Who wants to just skip work, grab their spouse, and get under the covers to keep warm?

Going back to my post from Ecclesiastes 4: A Cord of Three Strands, verse 11 states, "Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?"

Without modern heating, spooning was a more necessary practice to keep warm in the cold temps of winter.

Maybe it's not physically necessary these days, but I want to advocate for spooning your spouse regularly for other benefits for your physical health and relationship.

Top Benefits of Spooning

1. Lowers Stress and Cortisol

Close body contact, especially skin-to-skin, reduces cortisol (the stress hormone). This helps the body shift out of fight-or-flight and into rest-and-digest.

2. Increases Oxytocin

This is the feel-good bonding hormone that promotes secure, non-sexual touch with your spouse.

3. Improves Sleep Quality

Couples who cuddle before or during sleep often fall asleep faster and experience deeper rest.

4. Supports Emotional Regulation

Spooning helps regulate emotions. This is especially beneficial for partners who struggle with anxiety, shame, or emotional withdrawal.

5. Reduces Feelings of Loneliness and Depression

Spooning increases feelings of belonging and connection. These are key protective factors against depression.

6. Can Lower Blood Pressure and Heart Rate

Gentle touch, especially skin-to-skin, activates the parasympathetic nervous system. This supports cardiovascular health.

7. Increases Emotional Intimacy

Non-sexual touch builds intimacy without pressure. This often leads to greater emotional safety and long-term sexual satisfaction.

If you're the type that can't fall asleep cuddling that close, that's okay. Try doing it for at least 15 minutes before you go to sleep. You can choose to talk or be silent. You can pray together or practice breathing in and out at the same rhythmic pace. This is an even stronger emotional bonding experience and aids in emotional regulation.

Try changing roles on who is the "Big Spoon" vs "Little Spoon." Size and gender do not matter here. I believe men need to feel their partner surrounding them too, even if their wives are smaller in body frame. If you're not comfortable, use pillows or make adjustments until you "fit in a nice little niche" together.

It's amazing that when you are attuned to your spouse and practice spooning regularly, you can absolutely fall into this natural, physically enmeshed space automatically. You’ll find that leg and hand placements with your spouse feel like "home."

The Spiritual Connection of Touch

Touch is not just a physical act; it is deeply spiritual. In the Bible, we see numerous examples of touch being a means of healing and connection. When we spoon, we are not only nurturing our bodies but also our spirits. This intimate act can remind us of God’s love and the bond we share as a couple.

As we embrace each other, we can reflect on the love that Christ has for us. This connection can help us navigate the challenges of life together. It can serve as a reminder that we are not alone in our struggles.

Practical Tips for Effective Spooning

1. Set the Mood: Create a cozy environment. Dim the lights, play soft music, or light a candle. This can enhance the experience.

   
   

2. Communicate: Talk to each other about what feels good. Share your preferences and listen to your partner’s needs.

   
   

3. Be Patient: If spooning feels awkward at first, give it time. It may take a few tries to find the right position that feels comfortable for both of you.

   
   

4. Make It a Ritual: Consider making spooning a nightly ritual. This can help strengthen your bond and improve your emotional intimacy.

   
   

5. Explore Different Positions: Don’t be afraid to switch things up. Try different spooning positions to find what works best for you both.

   
   

If you need extra help with non-sexual touch-building exercises, reach out to me: kristi@abidinglovecoach.com, and I'll be happy to help!

Love,

Kristi