12 Gifts of Intimacy Part 5: Mental

So far in my previous four blog posts on The 12 Gifts of Intimacy during Christmas, I've laid out 12 ideas for you and your spouse to grow in Emotional, Experiential, Spiritual, and Physical intimacy together. For this last post in this series, I'm providing 12 ideas for growing together mentally.

These kinds of activities help you engage thoughts and feelings from your spouse. The deeply engaging the conversation is, the better! When couples simply talk about their day, the family agenda, etc. the conversation can become stagnant, more like roommates than lovers. If your marriage is stuck in this rut, it's no good! Change that! If you're struggling with creative ways to accomplish this, these will help...

1. Podcast Review

   For this activity, each of you pick one podcast on any topic you're interested in. (Feel free to keep the Christmas theme in the podcast or not). Get into a space that is without distractions, turn off the tv, etc. Maybe go for a drive and listen in the car together. After the podcast is over, discuss thoughts together. Here are some guided questions to ask each other: 1) Is there anything in the podcast you disagree with? Why? 2)If you were a guest on the show, what would you want to contribute? 3)What is one thing you learned that you didn't know before? 4)What do you think your partner found the most important part of the cast and why?

2. Faith and Doubt Safe Space Night

   Pick a theological topic that you are either currently struggling with to trust / believe, or have struggled in the past. Grab a cozy blanket, light a candle, and share with your spouse honestly and openly without judgement of one another or trying to convince them. Just simply listen, empathize, and ask clarifying questions, and encourage your spouse.

3. Teach Me Something Mini Date

   Each partner picks a mini "lesson" to teach their spouse. It can be verbal, auditory, tactile, or immersive. Try picking something you have to learn yourself and then teach it to your spouse. This is intended to not have to be elaborate, unless you really want it to be. Maybe ask your partner how they learn best, is it through listening, doing something hands-on, or visually seeing something?

4. Sensory Awareness Walk

   Take a short 15-20 min walk. Together, silently notice 5 things you see, 3 things you hear, and 1 thing you feel internally. Discuss this afterward with each other and note what things you noticed that were the same/ different and discover what makes your spouse's senses come alive from their environment.

5. Guessing Game

   Secretly pick an item in your house and wrap it in Christmas paper. Write down clever clues (5) to describe the item to your partner, but don't make it obvious. Take turns guessing each other's items as you hold the "present". Whomever guesses their item with the least clues wins a back massage from the other!

6. Pick a quote

   Do you have a favorite quote? Does your spouse know what it is? If not, pick one that is meaningful to you, maybe by a favorite author. Type it out on a computer or write it out on a card, and share it with your spouse. When your spouse shares theirs with you, ask them why it means so much, what value they have that corelates to the quote. Find out if that inspires them to do something this week out of a response to the quote (is there an idea to keep in mind, or an action step to take with that value?)

7. Interview Each Other

   Pretend you are interviewing your spouse in the context of their job / career / or daily life. Ask deep and thoughtful questions that would get them to think and share their experiences and thoughts. Affirm your spouse based on their answers. For example: Ask, "If you could add one small thing about your day that would make you smile, what would that be and why?" or "What hour in your day is typically the most frustrating and why?" If you received one Christmas present that you could use everyday "at work", what would it be?

8. Build Something Without Instructions

   Hopefully this idea won't cause conflict, lol... But get a small lego set, or other item that typically requires instructions to put together. Forego the instructions and use your team building thoughtful skills and communication with each other to try to build it / create it without instructions!

9. Strategy Game Night

   Purchase a cooperative game (like: Pandemic, The Crew, or Forbidden Island) and work together to win the challenge together. These types of games are great because instead of being competitive, they foster team-work and unity.

10. Write a Story Together

    Hopefully at least one of you are creative enough to work together to create a fantasy together where you two are on a romantic extravaganza together. Be descriptive, and if you don't want to write sexy, then write funny or a pretend adventure together.

11. Use Signing To Communicate

    Think of a romantic or loving phrase to share with your partner. But instead of writing it or saying it, take turns using sign-language to communicate with one another. (Use the alphabet letters in sign, and the other partner decodes this by writing down the letters) Try to guess each other's phrases. If you're advanced, feel free to learn the sign-language words and make guesses that way!)

12. The Great Debate

    Pick a topic (serious or silly) and create a 5-point debate to go back and forth to state your opposite positions on and go back and forth with a healthy debate together. Some example topics might be: 1) People are More / Less Joy filled during the Holidays, 2) Do people change more through insight or habit 3) Is certainty a strength or a weakness 4) Better to plan life carefully or be spontaneous, 5) Do opposites attract more than similarities sustain?

I really had a lot of fun with this blog series, I hope that you found a few to do together in order to stay connected Emotionally, Spiritually, Mentally, Physically, and Experientially. Your marriage is worth the investment you make to be creative, connective, and growing. Turn off the tv and phones and really connect.

Love,

Kristi