Wives, Pursue Your Husband

This photograph reminds me of the book of Song of Songs in the bible, but I realize it's not realistic of what most wives feel like in daily life. A realistic photo might be a mom with her hair in a messy bun, in sweatpants, and collapsing onto the bed after a very long day of wiping noses, kids screaming, dogs barking, and feeling unseen. I in no way want to paint a picture that life is a fairytale and initiating sex with your husband will look like a magical romantic scene from your favorite movie.

I know your love tank might be empty. You might truly feel like you don't have much to give. That's ok. You're ok and I'm proud of you for all the work that you do. God is proud of you too.

I simply just want to encourage you today to take a step toward your husband.

As women, we think about being pursued romantically by our husbands. And we do absolutely need that pursuit of him.

But right now, I want us to focus on the responsibility we have in our marriages to also pursue our husbands.

In the book of Song of Songs, the wife pursues her husband hard. Maybe they are newlyweds, but I'd like to think that she pursues him equally as passionately 5, 10, 15, and so on years beyond the wedding day.

In chapter 1, verse 4 the woman states, "Take me with you; come let's run!...". And in chapter 8, verse 14 to end the book she says, "Come away my love! Be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices".

These verses are just a couple of examples that demonstrate this wife initiating passionate love and sex with her husband.

Our husbands NEED this. They need you to initiate physical intimacy and non-sexual touch as well with him. This woman does it enthusiastically, and whole-heartedly.

This wife in the book of Songs also lavishes verbal praise and affirmation onto her husband. There are lots of examples through the whole book, but a notable verse states, "My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others! His head is finest gold, his hair is black as a raven. His eyes sparkle like doves besides springs of water; they are set like jewels washed in milk.." And it goes on... verbal praise after verbal praise.

I encourage you to do this to your husband, (even if he isn't giving the same). Be specific about his features. Build him up and make him feel that he is above tens of thousands of others and that your eyes are for him.

If you're struggling with desire, that's ok. I can help with that. But also, you can ask God to help you set aside any resentment, anger, etc. And give biblical pursuit to your husband.

Do you know what your husband's primary love language is? (Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Thoughtful Gifts, Acts of Service, and Quality Time).

How well are you demonstrating your love and respect to him in the way he needs and desires?

Lastly, some practical tips to pursuing him sexually:

1)Build anticipation... Send him a flirty text or whisper in his ear that you desire him and want to enjoy his body, try to be specific with your words.

2) Set the stage... Prepare ahead of time a sensual spot for the two of you: what does he like? The lights on and bright? Romantic candlelight? Strobe lights, lol?

3) Lead him by the hand or even something more creative, pull him with his tie, or a belt or a scarf of yours, etc. into your chamber (aka bedroom, lol or another sensual space)

4) Remember that though you are pursuing him sexually, this is not about performance. It's about connection. You are aiming to connect with him emotionally by enjoying physical intimacy with him. You do not have to give your body away to please him. This is a mutual connecting time and if you're not in a place to do that emotionally, then seek coaching or counsel to aim for this.

5) Use your words and eyes to build him up, talk about his body, his specific features, his penis; make him feel confident and sexy.

6) Ask him and communicate either earlier in the day or while you initiate sensual touch what will make him feel most loved in the way you touch him.

7) Pray out loud for him at the conclusion and thank God for your husband and for your sexual intimate times together.

When we initiate sexual intimacy, as well as other types of intimacy (emotional, cognitive, experiential, spiritual) we bring life to our husbands and to our marriages.

Again, I know sometimes you just feel so tired and overwhelmed, it's hard to do. Remember to do lots of self-care so you can pour life into your marriage.

Love,

Kristi