The Anticipation of Sex

Newlyweds usually experience a constant flow of anticipation toward sex. It’s new, it’s fresh, it’s exciting, they can’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off.

Once the dust settles and the honeymoon period wears off, many couples settle into more of a routine in their sex life.

They might become so busy with work life, chores, and child rearing that they barely connect until the opportunity arises to finally lock the bedroom door. And then they rush to whatever brings orgasm the quickest so they can feel amazing for a bit and then call it a night.

Sometimes that’s really all they have in the physical tank, and that’s ok.

But I want to talk about the advantages of focusing on the anticipation of sex.

Robert Sapolsky is a neuroscientist who studies dopamine in the brain. He discovered that monkeys started producing dopamine in the brain at the point of anticipating a reward. Many people think that dopamine is released when the brain receives a reward, but dopamine is actually released in anticipation of a reward. It’s the dopamine that keeps the monkey pressing the bar until the treat arrives. This research concludes the same no matter if the reward was certain or if there was some variability in receiving the reward each time.

This means that humans can actually increase their dopamine level for a much longer duration of time than just during and directly after orgasm.

In addition to this fact, women often need to experience a level of anticipation in order to build physical desire for sex.

Who doesn’t want more dopamine running through their bodies?! Sign me up please!

The Song of Songs in the Bible is a masterpiece of the concept of anticipating physical union.

“Listen! I hear my love! Look! Here he comes! He's leaping across the mountains. He's coming over the hills” 2:8.

Read how the lover anticipates her man coming to her. She expresses that verbally. And ladies…our men need to hear that same level of anticipation from us.

No matter how many years you’ve been having sex with your spouse, don’t take it for granted. Build anticipation with one another. Here are some specific suggestions to get the dopamine flowing and make your whole day amazing…

1. Have your spouse pick out your underwear for the day.

   
   

2. Send a steamy text message that shares your desire for them in a specific way.

3. Kiss frequently. Not with little pecks, but make out!

   
   

4. Offer lots of physical touch, just short non-sexual connection or pull your spouse into a private spot for a little teaser.

5. Make yourself feel attractive by doing some self-care such as exercising, putting on a nice outfit, looking your best self, and imagining your spouses touch and desire for you.

   
   

6. Remind your spouse of one of your favorite love making sessions and why you loved it.

7. Pick out a new position, environment, consentual toy, or outfit.

   
   

8. Commit to putting more effort into your sexual intimacy than to scrolling on the internet.

If you’re struggling with desire, reach out - I’m here to help.

Love,

Kristi