Sexual Messages: Young Friends

Sexualized talk started back in the 5th grade back when I was growing up. That was the time I started comparing my body against other girls who were starting to develop breasts and get their periods. I was an 80's kid and all was good until that year in school. Can you relate?

I remember kids making jokes and writing the phrase "PEN15" on hands and laughing because they were making an inuendo of the word penis, lol. I also remember still playing barbie dolls with my friends, but we decided it was only cool if Ken and Barbie got naked and laid together in bed having sex.

What I thought the act of sex was when I was in 5th grade: (I have no idea which friend may have told me this incorrect info) but I do remember spreading the news. When a guy and girl had sex, the man put his penis inside the girl and stayed still, and the penis blew up larger and larger until it "popped". That scared me to death, and I definitely was not interested in that kind of pain, lol.

Other incidents that made my 5th grade suck included a girl in my class spreading a rumor about me that I was "a lesbian" because I had asked her if she had started growing pubic hair yet. Man, it was brutal. I had no information from my home, and friends were all I had. No internet to consult on all these questions about changing bodies. And as a result of that rumor, I sadly ended up having no friends for the year and felt so much unnecessary shame.

I was jealous of kids making out on the playground in 5th grade, I didn't get my first kiss until the summer after 8th grade.

What sexual messages did you get from young friends? How did that impact you growing up, and even now into adulthood? Did any of them introduce you to sexualized images or ideas?

Did you wrestle with shame like I did?

I think most of us felt insecure about our bodies and how we were changing. I wish I could go up to my 5th grade self and assure her, give her confidence, wipe away her shame, and remind her that she was a child of God, made in His image.

What would you tell your former self? What can you share with your spouse about friends' influence on your sexuality?

If you have kids, spend time asking them what their friends discuss about sex, make sure you're the one giving them accurate information, and having many discussions about technology and the harmful sexualized material that most likely will come across at some point from friends at school. Help them not feel shame, but help them be protected as best as you can.

Love,

Kristi