Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

My mirror can somedays be my best friend… those days where my hair is on point, my body seems radiant and I had a good workout. My makeup glistens like sunbeams and I strut out that door with confidence.

Other days, that mirror betrays me and becomes my worst enemy. I look like a bloated marshmallow, my wrinkles seem to be glaring at me from under a magnifying glass, and my hair is a frazzled dazzled mess. Then, walking out that bathroom door, I just feel crummy.

I kinda wish God never allowed the invention of mirrors so I could go about my day blissfully unaware of my crooked teeth and eye bags.

Sometimes I can be critical of myself. I know you can too. And we don’t even realize we’re doing it. It’s a subconscious background noise that lingers and sometimes blasts in our eardrums.

Our brains are automatically wired to think negatively, and the more we do it, the more it becomes ingrained into our souls. And into our most intimate relationships.

Here’s how..

• Connections and strengthening: Neurons communicate through connections called synapses. The more certain neurons fire together, the stronger the neural pathway becomes. This is summarized by the phrase "neurons that fire together, wire together".

• Pathways and repetition: Repeated thoughts, whether positive or negative, reinforce existing neural pathways. A frequently used pathway becomes like a well-paved motorway, making it the brain's default route for processing certain information.

• Brain efficiency: The brain is wired to use the least amount of energy, so it tends to follow established pathways. This means that a repeated negative thought, for example, can become an automatic habit. 

When our brains are repeatedly conditioned to think negatively about ourselves, we are going to carry those thoughts and they will become negative emotions and negative actions.

Think about how this affects your intimacy. Can you really connect emotionally with your spouse and feel confident with your love making and enjoy pleasure if the background noise in your head is telling you that you’re not good enough?

It takes a consistent, and conscious effort to create new neuropathways so that your brain focuses on positive thoughts about your body and how good it feels, and how amazing your connection to your partner is.

How do you do this? Renew your mind, like God tells us to do in Romans, chapter 12. Rehearse scripture like Psalm 139:13-16

“For you created my inmost being;   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.”

Look in a full length mirror, every morning. Tell yourself what you like about yourself. Be specific. Accept the parts that aren’t your favorite, because God created this body of yours and it is a gift worthy of being treasured. Tell your spouse what you like and what struggles you have in accepting your body the way it is. Then have your spouse do the same. Affirm each other in that moment and praise God that He made you both amazingly and intended you for pleasure.

Need extra help with body image issues? Reach out to me or schedule a free 20 min call and I’ll share how we can overcome this challenge together!